While we're young and beautiful...

I need a goddamn vacation... seriously, I think a weekend away from Rycade would do me a world of good right about now. And it's not like I don't have people to keep an eye on the ranch while I'm away. Trouble is, I've got no idea where I'd go. I haven't taken a day off from working on the ranch in years.


Maybe I'll head down to South Padre Island this weekend. The spring break crowd is months away, so it shouldn't be too bad.

So, today was my first official day back at full capacity on the ranch, which was nice. I've missed working the way I used to, and I'm sure the guys will be happy to have their extra time back. The shoulder sprain gave me a chance to catch up on paperwork, but that's about the only positive I can find to it. I had a great day in the ring today, working with Luke and a mustang stallion that we've been breaking to saddle. It's difficult and time-consuming, but I like to think we made some good progress today. The downside to not having worked like this in a month, though, is definitely the fact that it's seven thirty and already I'm yawning. Plus, my shoulder's bugging me, which means I'll have to make sure to put a heat pack on it before I actually do go to bed.

In other news, my father's been calling again, mainly to talk to Alex. It's not his fault that he can't remember our father, but at the same time, I'd rather not see the man again. It's been eighteen years, it can damn well stay that way, as far as I'm concerned. But Alex is twenty years old, so there's nothing I can really do to stop him from doing what he wants. I will make it clear, though, that our father is not welcome on this property. If he wants to see us so badly he can meet us in town... and unlike Alex, I know not to trust my father when he says he's going to do something.

So I think tonight might be a good night to head out to Walker's, see who I can see. It's been awhile since I've been out on the town (haha), and I feel like the sling was cramping my style. Who knows, maybe I'll even get a date or two out of it.

This feels like the longest day of my freaking life. Ugh. I spent HOURS working with this one horse who I'm training to bridle and saddle, and he threw me while we were in the ring. I don't know what spooked him, or whether or not he decided that he'd had enough of this whole "rider" thing, but of course I ended up in the dirt, shoulder down. I think it's just sprained, but I have to go get an MRI done tomorrow in Austin. And of course, since I decided to tell my ever-protective best friend, I'm apparently not allowed to drive myself there and back. Plus, my grandfather is threatening to lock me in my room if I try to go to work tomorrow at all, so I guess it's a good thing I'm going early?

I have no real other news. Tristan seems to be working out well as an employee, so I'm going to start giving him more hours. I feel bad, because with me out of commission for the next like two weeks, the stable hands are going to have to take on more work. I hate not being able to pull my weight, but I can't run the risk of injuring myself further. Never mind the fact that I already did some work in the stables after I fell. I've had ice and heat on it alternately, and it is feeling a bit better, so I'm pretty sure that contrary to Sebastian's belief, I do not have any sort of internal injuries or bleeding to speak of. All things considered, I'm pretty goddamn lucky. Every time someone falls off a horse, the immediate thought goes to Christopher Reeve's accident. I know my job can be dangerous sometimes, especially since I'm working with large, unstable animals. But I love it, and I couldn't give it up for anything. Besides, if I give it up, where would I go? What would I do?

I just hope that the doctor doesn't put me on Vicodin or something. The last thing I need is to be all goddamn loopy while I'm keeping track of the books or dealing with potential clients.

God fucking dammit. My father is, without exception, the single most irritating and stubborn man I have ever met - and this is including Sebastian, Lysander, and Dom. The man who couldn't be bothered to come to Texas for his ex-wife's funeral now wants to come back to Rycade, possibly permanently, and why?

Because supposedly Jan, Alex, and I should have a relationship with the half-siblings we've never met. I haven't seen the man in eighteen fucking years, and he for some reason expects me and my brother and sister to welcome him with open arms. Sure, he calls us on our birthdays, and once in a while sends gifts, but he's been too busy with his new wife and his replacement children to actually give a flying fuck until now. The oldest one is eighteen or thereabouts, as far as he told me. There's a seventeen year old and a sixteen year old, too.

I don't want to see my dad again, and neither does Jan, but I'm pretty sure that Alex does. He was barely two when Dad left, so he doesn't remember him at all. So Alex may be the one who actually welcomes him. As for my half-siblings, I'm not sure. I'm kind of curious about them, and I wonder how much they're like me and my siblings. I just find it absolutely annoying that my father supposedly left us because he didn't want the responsibility, and then almost immediately afterward he settles down with another woman and knocks her up. And the worst part of it is that he stuck around for those kids. He watched them grow up. Granted, I had a pretty good childhood, but I've always wondered what it would have been like to have had a father who actually gave a shit about me and my siblings.

Oh, well. If he comes here I just won't see him. I've already made it clear that he's not allowed on the ranch. Even in a town this small, it shouldn't be all that hard to avoid him.

It's almost 4 AM. Why the hell am I still awake? The ranch hands are getting here in two hours, and I have to be up and alert for that.

I hate nights like this. Every once in awhile, I just can't sleep for the life of me and end up staying up for like thirty-six hours at a time. It's not healthy, I know, but at least it only happens like, one night every two or three months. I haven't figured out what causes it, but maybe this is a natural thing? Who knows. One thing I am sure of, though, is that tomorrow is not going to be a good day. I'll have to make a Wal-Mart run in a bit, get myself some Red Bull so I can at least supervise the stable cleaning.

You know, I think this entry originally had a point, but I've completely lost it. Oh, well.